It's times like this, when I can't wait for spring to come. Almost April, and then May, and I've seen it snow in June. I hope it doesn't do that this year.
I have to start fighting depression along about now. I'm sure many of you do as well. I wish there was an easy way to deal with it, but, I don't know what it is. I have been very creative this winter, and come through fairly well, thanks to my friends, and all the creative endeavors.
We share a great deal, and in doing so are there for each other. I am thankful for that.
My brother once said, if you have a few good friends, it is the best you can expect from life. I noticed he left out family, and now I know why. Family, isn't what it use to be, nor what I was raised to expect. It has taken me a long time to understand that, but... now I do. I don't worry over them, or expect anything from them anymore. I can't as they have let me down to many times, and are the reason for so many tears.
My father told me not to long ago, to do something for me now. It took me a bit to figure that out, as I was raised to do for everyone else first. To never think about myself. I am happy to report, I now do for me. I do for my friends as well, but because my family has let me down so many times, I don't do for them at all, and won't in the future. For once I can lay the blame where it belongs, and let go. That feels good.
I can believe there are many of you out there who have had the same problems, and your wondering what to do. I can't tell you that. I can only share what I have done and what I found because I stood up for me, once and for all. I am a unique individual, and as such, have a great deal to share with others. I am no more or less unique then anyone else, just different. If you can recognize what makes you the person you are, then you have something to share with others. Just don't expect your family to want to see it as well. More often then not, it's the other people in your life who will want that privilege. And yes it's a privilege, so don't take it lightly who you share with. I've known those who will take and take, and not give back a single thing in return. And it was family who was the worse at that. For some reason they thought they had the right. But only if I give them the right, and I won't.
I don't expect anything from them. lol. They don't have anything I want. I imagine that if read by one of them, my comments here will be twisted in the wind, and pulled so out of shape as to have no meaning I intended. It is not anger that leads to these comments, but sadness. Because it is sad when there is so much that could be shared by both, for both, and it will never be. That is why I am so thankful for my friends. They help me to move on, and in doing so.... there lies the wealth of creative endeavors. Nothing stands in my way, and I have everything to look forward too.
If once in a while I think about this subject... it's because I don't think ones history is ever changed, or blocked. You lived it, it happened, and every once in a while you think about it. And then you move on. I don't dwell on it any more. But it is sad. I just wish I had done this years ago. Let go and moved on, then I would have had less to remember from time to time.
Well, thats a part of my life, like all the other things I've done. It's a part of my history. The nice thing is... history is still in the making, and family or not they can't stop that either. And my friends.... are there to encourage me like family never did. I am so thankful for them
Well, I hope you have found something in these words that might open a door for you, and I wish you all the best to come.
