A look backwards in Time

  I sit here this morning, looking backwards, over the years,, seeing all that went on in my life, and I have to wonder, just how important family is to a person. I was taught it was very important. But is it really? As nothing, or no one stays the same for their whole life, I have from time to time removed myself from my family {and I mean MY family- i.e.: the daughters I gave birth to} so I could get breathing room from them, and they could have the space to become what it was they wanted. I had a very controlling mother, who was always interfering with my relationships with other people. Later on, it was my daughters. I was not going to become like her, so.... I backed away from the girls thinking, they would understand. HA! I forgot a couple of factors in all this. Not being there to defend myself from anybody's implied remarks, would lead to the wrong idea.

I guess they thought if you could get others to agree to their warped misunderstandings, it would make it right.

  It becomes very interesting to stand there when you try to reconnect, to see just what they have decided. No matter it's not the truth. They have told the lie often enough they believe it themselves. A little bit here a little bit there, and they think they can make it be so. Well, don't believe for one minute this will work. Maybe if they were to go around telling the lie enough to all your friends and everyone they can, some people would believe it {my mother actually did this to me when I was a teenager, with all my friends.}. However, your true friends and those who care and really love you, won't listen to such nonsense, because they have been there and know you.

  Well, my mother got away with it, when I was young, because no-one would call her on it.At a later point in time, a friend of mine did call her on it. She flat out told my mother it wasn't right what she was doing. It just didn't matter to my mother, whom she was talking to, any of my friends were fair game for her lies.  I learned as a teenager not to introduce my friends to her. When I did it was more a test of the friend, to see how she would handle what she was told. Needless to say most of what my mother ever said was colored to prove something, that wasn't true.

   So then the grandkids come, and she has this "desire" to raise another child. They wouldn't let her adopt any kids {you can guess why} so what do you do? Oh I'll just take my daughters child.

 I won't go into all the details, or what all went on afterwards, to much water under the bridge.

 In trying to salvage something from the wreckage, she created I was surprised to learn some of what I did find.

 One, the only one in the family who did not have a major problem with jealousy was me.

Two, the only one who didn't want to control everything was me.

Three, the only one who cared was me.

Four, guess who learned how to be really cruel, and it's wasn't me.

Five, who wouldn't try even years ago, to make right a wrong..... I have tried, so it's not me.

Six,who wants to be of more importance then the rest of the world, Hay I just live here I don't want to control it.

Seven,Guess what you call people who do all of the above {and especially against one person}.

Hummm.... does it have something to do with that animal that with horns and a tail and goes Moooo?

Eight, just incase you missed the above answer I'll tell you. "Bullies". As I am the one getting the benefit of that treatment, I can't very well be one.

Well you get the picture. I don't argue with people any more, and any one who wants to? Sorry.  I'm busy. Am I bitter? I think they hoped I would be. lol Not happening!

I found a way to deal with all that, when I was a child, and grew up with that ability. I had to, as a lot of the problems started when I was a child. I don't know why God gave me the grace to deal with it, but he did, and no matter how much, or how often, or how those who do this wrong, try to make it a truth. They forget one thing.

The one thing that stands between right and wrong, and gives me the grace to forgive, also has forgiven me for being unable to right the wrongs.

The power of love, forgives.

The power of love endures.

The power of love sheds grace on anyone who dares to continue in the face of such adversity.

And that my dear family, is what makes me different from you, and sheds the light of truth on what you continue to do. It also frees me from any further attempts to communicate with you, or to have to stand and take the pain and heartache you have continued to overload me with.

I've made my last attempt, and now I can go and do everything I put off, or went without because I was trying to do for you.

I will remember this year as "sixty two and free of all of you." Yes, my birthday is this month.

For the first time in many, many years I feel happy inside. Habits will die hard, as I am use to worrying over family, but now I see this was another part of their game. That along with so much more will no longer be a part of my life.

  Don't you just wish, you could click a button and delete all that? lol. 

So where has all this led to? Well, it wasn't to vent on line, but rather to show by example what one can do when you face what your having to deal with, head on. I've always wanted to help those who like myself are dealt a raw deal {it only seems that way}. There is an old saying, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." And I believe that to be true. I am stronger, and no it didn't kill me to see what all they wanted everyone else to believe. If they were smart they would have remembered, there is always the other side to the story!

Well enough for today, I think I said what I wanted to say, and I hope someone out there will read this one day and say.... I wish I'd seen this sooner.

Have a good day

Deirdre